whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
