i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
