Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
