mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I look better un-naked...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
