There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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