i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She even gives head with a lisp.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
