I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize