Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
