I'm pants shitting drunk right now
everyone is single if you try hard enough
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
where are you?
Hypothermia
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize