I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
