Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
