In the future we'll all be gay
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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