yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
