Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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