Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
