Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
