If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
