I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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