his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
