great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
