the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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