Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
