Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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