The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
