Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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