i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
