on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
love makes seman taste better
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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