the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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