i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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