I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
