Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
