there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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