you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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