Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
