If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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