All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
