I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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