did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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