I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
