dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
