They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Randomize
