Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
