I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
