Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
