Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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