2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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