if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I am one with the molecules
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
