You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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