I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Randomize
