As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
