Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
