Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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