Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
