my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i love accidental penises.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
