Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
false alarm. still invincible.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize