Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
