We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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