I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
