: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
