I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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