i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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