Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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