I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
