drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
