Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
