I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
