OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
