I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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