I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
