Please don't use social media to get back at me.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
